SURREAL GOODBYE

SURREAL GOODBYE

You lay there
struggling for breath.
The machine jerked your head
with each ration of precious oxygen.
Your hand was clammy cold
and there was only tension
as we, your brothers, watched.
The hospital routine carried on
oblivious to our personal drama.
The second visit and your head was stilled
the monitors beeping out
your fluttering heartbeat.
We looked at each other
full of the realization that
we had lost you.
The drive to one brother's home
and a birthday for the other.
The world flashed by as if
on anther errand
while our lives stood still.
I wanted to scream stop
and have the world experience our grief.
It seemed if I could make that happen
we wouldn't feel so alone
You didn't die until the next morning
but we already had you dead.
The little rush you got from cigarettes
seemed so trivial and stupid at this time.
All our advice was bad
and
our good advice was fatal.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop
with tears streaming down my face.
A fire alarm is set off in the next building
and people spill into the street.
I write in my now tear stained journal
as people mill around and fireman
unroll hoses.
The traffic piles up and some bright spark
honks his impatience.

We said goodbye but you couldn't hear.
We said we loved you but you were beyond our love.
We sat down to a birthday dinner
as you struggled to breathe.

Now I've told our story as people lit their cigarettes.
I looked at them and like the ancient mariner
I shouted the warning
and like the wedding guests they said,

"What has this to do with me?"
and
went on with their lives.



John-Ward Leighton
epoch studios
15 May 2003

 

 

FIVE YEARS ON

The photo of your face
from
thirty years ago
adorns my computer screen.
The electronic image
taken from a snap shot
I took of you
on a happy day
in your front room.
You are in mid sentence
with your family
and two brothers in the room.
You had no idea how proud
we were of you.
You had no idea how much
we loved you
because we never really said it.
Your son Johnny
named for his Dad
and Grand Dad
and your elder brother
became
your stand up guy
in the time
just before you died.
We saw you in that
hospital bed
struggling for breath
and then you were gone
and we are still grieving
and thinking of you
dear girl
five years on.

John-Ward Leighton
Four Sisters Co-op
14 May 2008